Screen Shots will be on an alcohol-related sabbatical the last week of March. Here are a few thoughts and suggestions to tide you over Â‘till the return.
1. To paraphrase from a piece of legendary graffiti seen on Family Guy: That's enough, Larry Pleau. You too, Green Day.
2. Frontrunner for John Ferguson's Bureaucratese Quote of the Year: Â“The tests continue and what has been revealed to us continues.Â”
3. On second thought, perhaps the Leafs GM was aiming for a Zen-like effect. If so, nice one, John.
4. My penchant for misplacing things does not trouble me. My uncanny ability to stand in the precise places where I cannot see what I've misplaced is another story altogether.
5. Is it too early to start referring to Â“The Curse of Bruce McNallÂ” to describe the fortunes of the L.A. Kings, who've been snakebitten with injuries for two seasons running now?
6. Joe Thornton is in San Jose, challenging for the NHL scoring title. The Boston Bruins are just plain challenging. Yup, it's a whole new era in Beantown.
7. Admit it Â– when you heard that the former game show host on Press Your Luck died in a tragic plane accident recently, you made an entirely inappropriate Whammy joke.
8. Anybody who chirps about Ed Belfour's contract should remember that, at the time he re-signed with Toronto, the Ottawa Senators were also in the market for a new goaltender. And that meant Belfour's agent Ron Salcer had a hell of a Plan B to hold over Ferguson's head. What, you thought Belfour got that option year because he's a killer quote?
9. The funniest person on TV right now: My Name Is Earl's Jaime Pressley.
10. If Jose Theodore regains his MVP form in Colorado, local officials should carve the likeness of GM Pierre Lacroix into a mountainside of the Avalanche GM's choosing. If Theodore doesn't, Lacroix should lose his job. It's that simple.
11. There's no nice way to say it, so we'll just say it: a game on Hockey Night In Canada becomes exponentially better when Jim Hughson, not Bob Cole, is calling it.
12. Separated at Birth: Canucks assistant GM Steve Tambellini and Academy Award-winning actor Chris Cooper.
13. Columbus GM Doug MacLean got himself another year's contract extension Feb. 1. In almost five years running the franchise, MacLean has managed to win all of 130 games. Puts Blue Jackets owner John McConnell's quote, Â“I don't know hockey; that's my problem,Â” into perspective, no?
14. The most redundant road sign in existence: Local Traffic Only. Guess what, signmakers Â– when I'm driving past that sign, I am both traffic and local.
15. Long past due: A Â“Beyond The GloryÂ” special on the Chicago Blackhawks. Obviously, the title would need to be re-jigged (Â“Beyond The Hoary?Â”), but who wouldn't want to watch Mike Smith and Alpo Suhonen reminisce about the good old day?
16. It's official: when (a) my mother and (b) super-starched news anchors begin referring to rapper 50 Cent as Â“FiddyÂ”, nobody should be allowed to say Â“FiddyÂ” anymore.
17. The sole exception to No. 16: if 50 Cent forms a super-duo with the former Puff Daddy. Because Fiddy-Diddy would deserve at least as long a stint in the public eye as Milli Vanilli enjoyed.
18. Ideal nickname for Maple Leafs prospect John Pohl: Pope. Don't make me explain this to you.
19. Saw where the Frontier League's Gateway Grizzlies commissioned the creation of Â“Baseball's Best BurgerÂ”, consisting of a slab of meat covered in cheese and bacon, with two Krispy Kreme donuts for buns. It should do well, especially with the introductory Â“Buy 10, Get A Heart Defibrillator FreeÂ” promotion.
20. Sorry, still don't get it: Touch Icing; Â“And the Oscar for Best Picture goes toÂ…CrashÂ”; U2's Bono being lavishly praised for straddling the political fence; and the Buffalo Sabres without their yellow-and-blue uniforms.
21. John Shannon's first priority as new NHL Vice-President of Broadcasting: weeding his telecasts of some of the most unabashedly partisan analysis this side of certain U.S. TV broadcasters.
22. Job No. 2 for Shannon: Standard camera angles. You don't necessarily have to change the game to make it more appealing to U.S. fans. But it's easy to make it more familiar to TV viewers. And this is the best way to do it.
23. Perhaps, one day down the line, Al Pacino will make another good film. But who among us is brave enough to hold their breath awaiting it?
24. Nobody says it, but Glen Hanlon is doing a fantastic job in Washington. He won't get a sniff for the Jack Adams Award this year, but he'll have the Capitals back in the post-season sooner than many expect.
25. Don't you miss Bob Goodenow?
Screen Shots will return April 3
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