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Loose Change: You bet

Charlie Teljeur
By:
The Hockey News
News

Loose Change: You bet

Charlie Teljeur
By:

The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?

So, do you have an extra $100 you can part with? Need some advice on who you should bet on to win it all this year? Why ask Mistress Cleo? Our advice is just unreliable and hell of a lot cheaperÂ…

2007 Stanley Cup Odds

Ottawa Senators 6-1
A good bet if: Jane Goodall starts coaching by mid-season and tames that 2000-pound. monkey they've adopted.

Detroit Red Wings 6-1
A good bet if: Dominik Hasek can do what Yogi Bear couldn't; that is, live a whole year without a Boo Boo.

Carolina Hurricanes 10-1
A good bet if: the Hockey Gods aren't still tanked from dipping into the moonshine last season.

San Jose Sharks 12-1
A good bet if: Silicon Valley programmers can invent a device to prevent twenty five hockey players from choking all at once.

Philadelphia Flyers 12-1
A good bet if: you have inside knowledge that Peter Forsberg is now bionic and Bob Clarke is trapped in someone's cellar.

Buffalo Sabres 12-1
A good bet if: you're employed by Karma International and you run Accounts Payable.

Calgary Flames 12-1
A good bet if: you don't realize you're back in year two of another twelve year cycle

New Jersey Devils 12-1
A good bet if: Lou Lamoriello finally gets that calculator fixed.

Anaheim Ducks 15-1
A good bet if: Selanne still likes to move and Chris Pronger doesn't.

Dallas Stars 15-1
A good bet if: Eric Lindros can be convinced his name was Mario Lemieux before his last concussion.

Colorado Avalanche 20-1
A good bet if: Joe Sakic is 27 again and now also plays goal.

Vancouver Canucks 20-1
A good bet if: you project Markus Naslund to get 612 points this season.

New York Rangers 20-1
A good bet if: your cheques and your Czechs can both clear.

Nashville Predators 20-1
A good bet if: you're a budding songwriter and need ample inspiration for your future smash hit “The What-the-Hell-was-I-Thinking Blues”.

Tampa Bay Lightning 25-1
A good bet if: a raging hurricane hits the coast and the NHL allows the Lightning to board up their nets (all season).

Edmonton Oilers 25-1
A good bet if: they get a complimentary bye to the Final and are spotted four wins.

Atlanta Thrashers 30-1
A good bet if: the league mandates the Stanley Cup must stay in the Land of the Cigarette Pocket for another year.

Montreal Canadiens 30-1
A good bet if: your eyesight has gotten bad enough that Samsonov looks like Savard and Johnson appears to be Beliveau.

Florida Panthers 30-1
A good bet if: you can get anything from an 83-year-old with wonky knees and a bad back, besides a funeral.

Toronto Maple Leafs 40-1
A good bet if: they revert back to the Original Six playoff format and only Chicago shows up.

Columbus Blue Jackets 40-1
A good bet if: you're not stuck on this whole reality nonsense and annoyingly weird concepts like gravity.

Los Angeles Kings 50-1
A good bet if: the NHL bought into your proposal that celebrity sightings count as goals.

Minnesota Wild 50-1
A good bet if: Jacques Lemaire can be convinced that a zone defense is more of a football thing.

Boston Bruins 50-1
A good bet if: the Sharks, so overcome with guilt, reverse the Thornton trade and send their entire second and third lines as compensation.

New York Islanders 50-1
A good bet if: Charles Wang is a relative.

Phoenix Coyotes 50-1
A good bet if: you like underdogs, are the eternal optimist, and you don't count any New Jersey State Troopers amongst your closest friends.

Washington Capitals 100-1
A good bet if: Alex Ovechkin has thirteen brothers, all of whom sign as free agents and turn out to be better than Alex.

Chicago Blackhawks 100-1
A good bet if: you feel Martin Havlat is the final piece of the puzzle and puzzle has only one piece.

St. Louis Blues 100-1
A good bet if: you have the financial flexibility of, say, Bill Gates.

Pittsburgh Penguins 100-1
A good bet if: Crosby, Malkin, Fleury and Staal can all progress to the crucial potty-training stage together.

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Thursday during the season and every Tuesday during the summer only on thehockeynews.com.

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at charlieteljeur@hotmail.com

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Loose Change: You bet