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Loose Change: Hurts so good

Charlie Teljeur
By:
The Hockey News
News

Loose Change: Hurts so good

Charlie Teljeur
By:

I've never really been one for terribly intricate logic. Perhaps it's the sheer limitations of my canary-sized brain, but something, in my head at least, wonders about the thinking behind some of the ludicrous decisions made in the name of, yes, logic.

NHL teams in the playoffs, have this storied yet strange tradition of protecting information about a player's possible injury in much the same way cats protect rotting fish.

They presume that if a bad foot fungus becomes public, the opponent will try to capitalize by specifically attacking the damaged body part. Inversely, though, if the scent of injury is heavy in the air, but the exact nature is undetermined, would it not make sense to simply assault every part just to make sure you eventually hit your target?

Keep in mind, the guys who make these inspired decisions have, themselves, been hit with more rubber than Interstate 95, so their ability to process in a sensible manner may be somewhat compromised.

Still, regardless of the motivation, you have to admire the creativity that teams use in coming up with these plausible injury “reports”.

The real trick is in the ability to read between the lines, separating the hyperbole of what they said from the declaration of what they really mean. It's a bit of an art, but not too daunting when you know what to look for (like figuring out which girls in the ads are truly hot and which ones have the great personalities).

Look, listen and learn..

Top 12 Injury Explanations (and What they Really Mean)

12 Lower body injury (toenail painting infection)

11 Upper body injury (chronic sniffles)

10 Lower body injury (partially-torn whatyamacallit)

9 Upper body injury (the old squished eyeball)

8 Lower body injury (explosive diarrhea)

7 Upper body injury (eardrum “displacement”)

6 Lower body injury (body facing north, foot facing south)

5 Upper body injury (gum to tooth ratio now 3:1)

4 Lower body injury (involuntary orifice closure)

3 Upper body injury (unspecified vital organ gone AWOL)

2 Lower body injury (now looking into adoption)

1 Upper body injury (decapitation)

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Friday only on thehockeynews.com.

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at charlieteljeur@hotmail.com

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Loose Change: Hurts so good