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Loose Change: Don’t you forget about me

Charlie Teljeur
By:
The Hockey News
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Loose Change: Don’t you forget about me

Charlie Teljeur
By:


The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?

OK. OK. Do you ever have a really great idea that is so great you feel like you're going to hyperventilate before you have a chance to tell someone?

You want to tell someone, except it's like, 3 a.m. and nobody you know is still up. So you randomly dial a number from across the ocean hoping to talk to someone about your great idea, but the only person who picks up the phone is someone who doesn't even speak English.

I'm not sure what language he was talking in, but all the time I was talking to this dude I was calling him Shamir (and he didn't seem to mind).

OK, so this idea is based on that old movie from like, way back in the ‘80s, you know, The Breakfast Club. Anyway, The Breakfast Club is this way cool movie about these five kids who get hauled in for detention on like, a Saturday (what's up with that?) and have to spend the entire day with each other.

There's this prom queen chick, the jock, the rebel dude, the dweeb and Ally Sheedy (who just seemed stoned all the time or something). So, over the whole day they get to talking and yelling at each other until by the end, they learn to like each other and they all share the same hatred for the principal and Rob Lowe's perfect teeth.

They call it like, a coming-of-age movie and I have no idea what that means, but I'd have to agree since all my friends think it sounds like something a smart person would say so it must be right.

Anyway, since they've made like, everything you can think of, into a movie (except The Facts of Life, come on people – Tootie needs screen time) why not re-make The Breakfast Club? Only this time let's give it a sports twist. I mean, like a hockey twist. Dude, that would so rock.

OK, but this time, instead of five people, we'll go with just two. We could combine the jock guy and the rebel dude into one character – let's call him Chris Simon. And we could put the prom queen and the dweeb together and we'll call him Ted Saskin. Oh, I'm getting all tingly already.

So this Chris Simon dude is a real hot head and has these anger management issues and he is just like, tried to take a guy's head off with a sword or a stick or something and he's got like, a year and a half worth of detentions.

And this Ted Saskin dude is this real tricky, nerdy geek who like, rigged the school elections to make sure he'd be student council president for like, the next 42 years.

So, on the one hand you have like, this loose cannon evil-eyed, biker dude who has to spend all this detention time with this wiener who comes to class dressed in really nice, father-like suits (I'll figure out how he can afford to do that in the screenwriting stage).

They spend their day talking about how crappy the system is and how crappy it is to get caught and stuff. By the end Chris is so pissed he wants to like, smack Ted across the mouth and Ted is all like, ‘what's up with that' and wants to like, completely destroy Chris's credit rating.

(Looking at it now, I suppose it's a little different than the original in certain ways, yeah). You know, I guess what they both learn in the end is to like, never do anything you don't want to be seen or heard near one of those recording thingies. Having a hate on for technology of any kind is a bond they share, I suppose.

Oh yeah, I was going to add a love interest to the story, but the only person I think could like, fit the role is, yeah, Ally Sheedy but she's like old and stuff and would want way too much money, but then again she did make those infomercials for that Bolivian time share thingey, so maybe she works cheap.

Ah, I already blew the budget getting hi-speed wireless for Saskin's character, so basically I guess, there's no love interest in the remake. So basically, there's no love interest.

But we can afford to add like, a monkey though. Chris, Ted and a monkey. That would be like, way cool. I like it.

Should see what Shamir thinks of adding a monkeyÂ…

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Friday only on thehockeynews.com.

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at charlieteljeur@hotmail.com

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Loose Change: Don’t you forget about me