The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, framing this, or burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?
You have to admire the Ottawa Senators. Their captain, Daniel Alfredsson is currently mired in a fairly substantial scoring slump, the team he Â“leadsÂ” is off to its worst start since the hallowed Jamie Baker Days, and Alfredsson's actual leadership abilities are being questioned, again. Still, as hockey players often do, they are rallying moral support to staunchly and publicly stand behind their embattled leader. (Slight aside here: Why do supporters always stand behind someone when being beside would be much more beneficial?)
Pick a media type and chances are you've heard Alfredsson being royally defended more than an 18-year-old by her Dad on Prom Night. If supporting your captain is the right thing to do and the right thing to do is to support your captain, then the Ottawa Senators are doing the right thing. The question is: Do they mean it?
Confidential documents, obtained through an anonymous source (OK, it's SpartaCatÂ…we admit it), portray something slightly different than what we see on the airwaves and read about in the local papers. Daniel Alfredsson may have the Senators' wheel, but evidently the whole drive train's missing. Go ahead, read for yourself..
Public Letter to Ottawa Senators' fans, various media and that guy who sells Gyros near the Bus Stop, re: support for Captain Daniel Alfredsson.
October 28 2006.
This letter is a
While we would like to see
Oh, and while we're at it, here's your Weekly Top 12 List.
Top 12 Possible Reasons behind Daniel Alfredsson's Funk
12. Really taking this global warming thing hard
11. unmailed Chain Letter
10. Misses picking on Norwegians
9. McGrattan doesn't pass enough
8. Unhealthy addiction to crossword puzzles
7. Unrelenting desire to work at IKEA
6. Too many fighting majors
5. Chronic jock itch
4. Misses Patrick Lalime's bedtime stories
3. Sick of hockey. Wants to dance.
2. Out of hair gel
1. Doesn't speak Canadian
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Friday only on thehockeynews.com.
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