The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?
- Chris Pronger broke his left foot blocking a shot Sunday night and is to consult with team doctors on the potential severity of the injury. Maybe it's just me but if I have 6-foot-6 Duck with a bad foot, I would hope one of the specialists on the payroll is a veterinarianÂ…
- Contrary to popular belief, current New York Ranger Colton Orr is no relation to hockey legend Bobby Orr. Among the differences between the two: Bobby is from Ontario, Colton is from Manitoba; Bobby is a defenseman, Colton is a forward and Bobby is a biped while Colton feasts on rodents and has a large unibrow.
- The Ottawa Senators are set to claim 35 year old Petr Nedved off waivers this week to help replace some of the scoring punch the Sens have lost with the recent injuries to centers Jason Spezza and Mike Fisher. In a related story, Philadelphia Flyers GM Paul Holmgren has apparently died of work-induced suffocation due to an involuntary lethal fit of laughter, at age fifty one.
Update: Nedved actually claimed by Oilers. Holmgren is still dead thoughÂ…
- Here's hoping someone finds a way to take over control of the obscenely tight Northwest division. Keep in mind, that the third tiebreaker in deciding playoff spots after divisional record and head-to-head play is the swimsuit competition and nobody wants to see Derek Boogaard in a Speedo.
- I'm secretly hoping for Chicago's Lasse Kukkonen to capture this year's Calder Trophy as the league's top rookie. Imagine the acceptance speech: Â“I'd like to thank my mother and father; the Finnish Ice Hockey Federation; Timmy for getting trapped down that wellÂ…Â”
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Friday only on thehockeynews.com.
Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at email@example.com