The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?
Interesting stories from Week 1Â…
The Nashville Predators are 0-2-0 out of the gate and have been outscored 14-11. If they remain with this current trend they will finish the season 0-82, have like 3000 goals against and will likely miss the playoffs (this is the NHL remember).
Jay Bouwmeester of the Florida Panthers is apparently facing a drunk driving charge back in his hometown of Edmonton, which he is contesting. Evidently, instead of instructing the young defenseman to touch his nose or walk a straight line to prove his sobriety, they asked him to spell his last name. Come on, give the kid a chance.
Speaking of the Panthers, as expected, Ed Belfour did not get the start in his return to Toronto Oct. 9.. Given his wonky back and status as an older goaltender, the team wants to ensure plenty of time off between starts to keep him fresh and limber. He is next expected to see action against the BlackhawksÂ…in MarchÂ…of 2009.
Mike Modano is now wearing an Â‘A' in Dallas and Brendan Morrow is wearing a Â‘C'. Previously Modano wore the Â‘C' and Morrow wore the Â‘A'. In Dallas, these events constitute a drama. On Sesame Street this would be a comedy routine.
In New Jersey, Patrik Elias was ecstatic to be named the seventh captain in the history of the Devils. Said Elias, Â“It will be my pleasure to humbly serve the Grandmaster, my Dark Lord and Ruler of the Netherworld in whatever capacity he so wishes of me.Â” Apparently Lou Lamoriello was blushing.
Charles Wang is preparing to unleash 24-hour IslandersTV onto to the hockey world. His proposal would provide non-stop hockey programming to interested individuals. The success of his plan hinges on three major factors: (1) users are required to have a broadband connection (2) the Islanders have to secure the appropriate licensing rights and (3) Superman needs to spin the earth back to 1980 when there actually were Islander fans.
Mats Sundin is approaching 500 career goals but Â“would gladly trade them all away for the chance to play on a Stanley Cup winning team.Â” Personally I don't see much value in having a player on my team who's been around for seventeen years, yet still hasn't scored one single NHL goal.
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Thursday during the season and every Tuesday during the summer only on thehockeynews.com.
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