The Rob Ford List: 10 celebs we don’t want to see in NHL jerseys

The Hockey News
Mayor Rob Ford at City Council

When Toronto Mayor Rob Ford appeared in an Argonauts jersey yesterday, the Canadian Football League club issued a press release distancing itself from the controversial and embattled mayor. It was worded very lawyerly, but what the Argos really meant was “get our colors off your back and stay away from our playoff game this weekend.” In a word, the Argos were horrified.

It got us to thinking which famous personalities we’d hate to see wearing our favorite hockey team’s jerseys; the ones that would really make us cringe if they were representing. Here are the top, or bottom, 10:

  1. Sean Avery. Sloppy fifths. No thanks.
  2. Michael Vick. How do Eagles fans stomach it?
  3. Lance Armstrong. From what we’re led to believe, he’s done more PEDs than every player in the history of the NHL. Combined.
  4. Tiger Woods. This one goes out to the ones we love. Our wives. (Sing this one to the tune of the R.E.M. song).
  5. Donald Trump. FIE-erred.
  6. Alex Rodriguez. See No. 4.
  7. Honey Boo Boo. She’s been exploited enough.
  8. Barry Bonds. See No. 6. Then No. 4.
  9. Tonya Harding. We’ll make an exception if she arranges to take out the other team’s star player at the knees.
  10. Justin Bieber. Stratford’s most famous export used to be Howie Morenz. Now it’s the Biebs. Pity.