Cripplingly insecure, arrogant & phony – there’s something to hate about all Sharks, Ducks and Kings fans

Kings-Sharks Photo by Don Smith/NHLI via Getty Images)

The deep dislike the Ducks, Kings and Sharks have for one another is mirrored by the fans in Anaheim, Los Angeles and San Jose. We asked bloggers from all three cities to state the hate each fan base has for its California rivals. Much to our delight, none of them played nice.

By Chris Kontos of The Royal Half

DUCKS: According to the Anaheim Ducks Twitter account, a theme for their post-season run this year is #UnfinishedBusiness. I’m not sure what #UnfinishedBusiness they could be referring to…unless they mean being unable to “finish” off the seventh seed last season despite leading the series 3-2. I bet #UnfinishedBusiness refers to the ticket sales department of the Anaheim Ducks. Since they are 21st in attendance, it must be a constant battle to try and get people in Orange County to stop waiting in line for Space Mountain or watching themselves on Bravo and go to a hockey game.

SHARKS: San Jose Sharks fans just love to tell you about how loud their arena is. That it’s the most deafening building in the NHL and provides a distinct home-ice advantage for their team. I guess if I was a hockey fan that was completely insecure about how poor my team did in the playoffs, I’d be boasting about how great the acoustics are in my building as well. And it’s true…the acoustics at the SAP Center are amazing. Each time the Sharks are eliminated in the post-season you can easily hear the tears of the fans drop to the ground!

 


By Jen Neale of Puck Daddy & Chris Kober of Anaheim Calling

KINGS: What’s the best thing about the Kings’ fan base? The creativity of adding “Ducks Suck” to the Addams Family theme song? No. What about Kings fans in Dodger Stadium trying to start a “Go Kings Go” chant, while most of them were going home? Nope. It’s how desperate they are for celebrities like Tom Hanks’ son, Matthew Perry (he was on a hit show 10 years ago, that counts right?), David Beckham (an employee of the Kings’ owner at the time) or best of all: Tom Arnold. They’re not Jack Nicholson and the Lakers, but at least their attempts are hilarious.

SHARKS: # of Pacific Division titles + # of President’s Trophies ≠ Stanley Cup. Perhaps math isn’t a strong point for Sharks fans – an increasingly arrogant, yet incredibly sensitive, fan base, despite not having captured the only trophy that matters. Instead they gloat about their number of “thanks for participating” banners. Oh, but don’t call them “chokers.” It isn’t their fault they haven’t made the final – ever. Everyone else sets the bar too high at the beginning of the season, right, Sharks fans? There is a positive. Los Angeles and Anaheim fans don’t like each other, but they do come together to point and laugh at San Jose.

 


 

By Derek Tanabe of Fear The Fin

DUCKS: I’d write something pithy here about how there are no Ducks fans to make fun of, which is largely true seeing as they rank below the likes of Nashville and Tampa Bay in attendance percentage. But unfortunately, social media has tipped me off to the legion of cranky Anaheim supporters, each more cripplingly insecure and more likely to launch into a grammatically disastrous anti-referee tirade than the last. You’d think they’d be satisfied with having fluked into two Hall of Fame defensemen and a Cup, but the Kings’ title in 2012 coupled with the fact they realize a team with Nick Bonino as its third-leading scorer isn’t going anywhere has only made them more insufferable.

KINGS: I’m legitimately happy for the fans that waited 45 years for a Cup. Unfortunately, that’s about two percent of their fan base. The vast majority is Bill Simmons’ seven-year-old daughter and her hordes of acolytes who weren’t there for the McSorley penalty, the bankruptcy filing or even the Marc Crawford era. I should, however, commend anyone capable of stomaching Darryl Sutter’s uniquely unwatchable brand of dump-and-don’t-chase hockey. Don’t worry, though, if you find yourself bored, it won’t be long until the camera pans to a celebrity in the Staples Center. Um…wasn’t that guy an extra on a Season 3 episode of Scrubs?

This feature originally appeared in the Playoff Preview 2014 edition of The Hockey News magazine. Get in-depth features like this one, and much more, by subscribing now.