(Preface: In case you weren’t aware, we here at Loose Change are now bi-weekly (or is it bi-monthly?). Either way I feel it’s important you know the truth and that I finally come out of the closet and own up to my alternative literary lifestyle. And to answer your imminent question, yes, am I liberated with this disclosure, but also much, much poorer.)
On to the goodies.
• For those of you keeping track at home I was seven for eight with my predictions in the first round, even going so far as to predict John Tortorella’s suspension (although I must admit I had it at nine games for kicking a defenceless recycle bin). My only miss was not anticipating the Kings’ three-game annihilation of the Lightning (truly didn’t see that one coming).
• Poor Blair Betts. Hit by Donald Brashear with a solid blow to the head and knocked out of the series. Probably has the occasional headache and dizzy spells. Likely has slight, if not full-blown amnesia. Quite possibly, no recollection of the series whatsoever. Lucky dude.
• I thought it was a very touching moment when the classy fans of Montreal cheered their young goalie Carey Price right up to the end of the series, even applauding the tiniest of saves when the game and the series was all but over. Of course, being ever the gentleman, Price returned the love by bowing to the fans in a very – may I say heart-felt – manner. Boston may have won the series, but domestically the Habs are far superior.
• Here’s an idea: Why not use Calgary in some newly revamped Smokey The Bear commercials? I’m thinking the copy could read something like: “Only you can prevent forest fires. Do like we do, put your Flames out early.”
• Congratulations to the Columbus Blue Jackets who pushed the defending champion Detroit Red Wings to four games.
• Feeling depressed that there’s only one Canadian team left and only one measly chance for Canada to reclaim the Cup? Imagine being Spain. More than 100 years and still nothing.
• Sharks today are hanging their heads at another pathetic on-ice springtime display. I mean actual sharks. Sounds like high time to start a change-that-name petition.
• MVP for the first round has to be Colin Campbell, who handed out a record number of suspensions, although his effectiveness in the subsequent rounds is in question since he’s now day-to-day with a mysterious “upper body injury.” It is thought he may have pulled something while signing one of Donald Brashear’s disciplinary forms. Gary Bettman has been called up from AAA Syracuse.
The preceding was purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laughed while reading it, framing it, or burning it. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre cartoon, brings you Loose Change every second Tuesday through to June 22 and then will go on summer hiatus. Subscribe to The Hockey News today to have Charlie's cartoon delivered to you in each issue.
Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org
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