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Loose Change: A big little blue pill

GM Cliff Fletcher of the Toronto Maple Leafs during the 2008 NHL Entry Draft at Scotiabank Place on June 21, 2008 in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

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GM Cliff Fletcher of the Toronto Maple Leafs during the 2008 NHL Entry Draft at Scotiabank Place on June 21, 2008 in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

“Ola! I’m Ernesto.”

“And I’m hockey legend, Cliff Fletcher.”

“A while back, Senor Cliff came to me complaining about something a lot of men his age complain about…”

“The paperboy hitting the gladiolas!”

“Ha Ha. No Mister Cliff, you know what I’m talking about...”

“I do, Ernesto… You know what I mean, people. You’re 73, you don’t have that jump you had at 68 and the air is kind of leaking from your balloon.”

“Not literally, Senor Cliff... muy Oucho!”

“Ouch is right, Ernesto. I guess when you get into your eighth decade, you can’t expect all the runways at your airport to work all the time. Sometimes you need something to remind you your hair wasn’t always silver. That’s when I heard about the magic of TML.”

“Senor Cliff had become friends with me on one of our many times golfing together.”

“Best caddy I ever had.”

“Worst tipper I ever had!”

(both laugh)

“It was on the ninth tee I mentioned to Ernesto how my ball always seems to slice to the right. He told me – as he always does – I need a firmer grip.”

“Grab that shaft and don’t let go, Senor Cliff!”

“What I started to realize was that my slice was actually a metaphor for the lack of energy and virility I felt. I lacked a certain working passion I haven’t had since I lived in Tampa.”

“We all need muy PASSION, so I told Senor Cliff about TML. It is a big little blue pill that you only take once, but, before you know it, you have the clouds back in your sails!”

“Wind, Ernesto, the wind back in your sails!”

“Ay, I guess that’s what you get by learning your English watching Three Is Company, eh?”

“So I took my caddy’s advice and took TML in mid-January.”

“And how you are feeling Senor Cliff?”

“Well Ernesto, it did take a while to kick in, but lately I’m feeling like the drummer from the Rolling Stones!”

“How so, Mister Cliff?”

“There’s some, uh, house cleaning I’d been meaning to get to for a while and I now felt the vigour and vitality to finally get to it.”

“Vinegar and vitality, Mister Cliff??”

“There’s some old things we had laying around, just collecting dust and costing us money so I decided to trash the whole lot. Start anew! I even bought myself a new Schenn.”

“You can afford a new Schenn?”

“I could after I pink-slipped my old Wellwood and that lemon I refer to as Rayflop. Best part is, I’m not done there. I’ve got a list, and you might say, I ain’t checking it twice.”

“You are one loco hombre Senor Cliff...”

“What, you want to make something of it Pedro??”

“No sir. As my people say: Beware of the silver fox with the unlimited budget and inflated self-awareness.”

“You know, if things keep going well there’s this tall, leggy Swede I’ve been meaning to phone back and that nerdy guy at the office – Richard – is really starting to get under my skin...” (trails off)

“Don’t forget what I told you, Senor Cliff: Grab that shaft and don’t let go!”

The preceding was purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laughed while reading it, framing it, or burning it. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Thursday only on thehockeynews.com. Subscribe to The Hockey News today to have Charlie's cartoon delivered to you in each issue.

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at charlieteljeur@hotmail.com

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