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Loose Change: Huge story

Can you believe Todd McLellan has been hired to coach the San Jose Sharks? I find that simply incredible, mainly because I have absolutely no idea who Todd McLellan is. Evidently he was an assistant with Detroit, which automatically qualifies him for a promotion on the guilt-by-association premise.

Way to go Todd! It is Todd, right?

Oh and Carolina re-signed Michael Leighton for another two years. Actually that’s really big news for the Hurricanes, since Leighton was in charge of working one of the two doors on the Carolina bench. This now completes the set since that dozy kid with the wonky eye will work the north end of the box. He signed in May.

In business this is called putting lipstick on the pig. Essentially I’m a hockey cosmetician, dressing up non-stories to appear interesting and relevant. I have to show interest, which in turn obviously means you’ll show interest – being mindless, antisocial idiots and all – so hockey gets to stay on the proverbial sports radar even though the radar is probably on a lake somewhere, wakeboarding.

Sometimes I’d just love to be in the room when the dude – or dudette – who writes the wire story, actually writes the wire story. Frank, Jiri Hudler is thinking of switching to a JOFA cup next season! Hold Page 1! Get me the editor!

Sure we want to hear about the occasional trade or signing, but in general, the news items tend to fall into the same category as Who’s Dating Erik Estrada.

Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s noble you (appear to) care so much about this, but sometimes you just have be brutally honest and tell Grandma you haven’t worn a sweater vest since you were six.

I suppose, in some circles, the breaking news of coach Marc Crawford getting canned by the Kings is a monumental event, but I think the only people who will actually feel any of the ripple effect from this are his wife (Honey, you’ve been spending a lot of time in the basement lately. Is there something you should be telling me?) and Columbia House (the Josh Groban CDs just keep piling up).

The Stanley Cup got damaged at Chris Chelios’ restaurant. That’s big news – if you’re the decrepit member of the 1924 Montreal Maroons whose name is now illegible because of the dent separating the ‘T’ in your first name from the ‘B’ in your last.

Trevor Linden retired after, what, 47 seasons? The guy’s been on the sixth line for more than two years and they only gave him the occasional shift to keep his guide dog from nodding off.

And, of course you’re aware of the big kafuffle over the so-called hockey song, which has been a property of Hockey Night in Canada since 1847 (the same year they signed Don Cherry), but has now been acquired by archrival CTV.

For anyone in Canada this is huge. Well, not Gretzky-getting-traded huge, but I know how it is when people start messing with your stuff. Rest easy, your hockey song is now safe.

You will have no actual direct contact with the song, nor are you eligible for any financial compensation for its use, or the windfall from its transfer and, keep in mind, you will get your ass sued post haste when you to decide to show your love for this property by using it in some low budget, out-of-focus ode without the expressed written consent.

But still, people fighting over inanimate objects is kind of like the moon landing, except for the moon and the notable presence of any airtight spacecraft.

And to put this story into perspective for anyone not living in Canada, uh… I think Estrada is dating that blonde chick from Knot’s Landing.

The preceding was purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laughed while reading it, framing it, or burning it. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Thursday only on thehockeynews.com. Subscribe to The Hockey News today to have Charlie's cartoon delivered to you in each issue.

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at charlieteljeur@hotmail.com

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