Right now, a somewhat benevolent stranger who hasn’t been in their neck of the woods for a very long time is visiting people in western Canada.
He’s come bearing gifts.
He can be quite jovial.
He has the initials S.C.
I’ll assume your answer is Santa Claus simply because you’re predictably idealistic and frankly you don’t really try too hard at things like this. I will give you half credit, but no, there will be no bonus round for you.
The other S.C. in question here (also known as Sid the Kid; The Next One and Reebok Employee of the Month #1313) is actually from Nova Scotia by way of Pennsylvania. He will arrive with his own team, although his will not be attached by an intricate web of reins and ropes – and don’t think Evgeni Malkin doesn’t appreciate that after his past ordeals with the Russian Ice Hockey Federation.
Sidney Crosby has never visited western Canada – at least not as a professional. Santa, on the other hand, only visits there sparingly since he’s not really big on kids who wear cowboy boots with diapers and is appalled at the lack of hardiness for people in B.C., who prefer Christmas drizzle to blinding blizzards.
Santa Claus and Sidney share that proverbial list that they’re both going to check twice.
Santa’s list is divided into the naughty and the nice, which is then subdivided into a list of who’s single and whose husbands are out of town on business.
Sid’s list deals mainly with fictional western relatives who have come forward requesting game tickets while he’s in town. With the help of his family back home in Cole Harbor he’s been able to determine – through that invaluable second check - Javier Benitez is not the first cousin he’s claiming to be.
Sid the Kid has some sweet moves, knows how to score and has a lethal backhand.
Santa’s moves are more predictable and he only uses his backhand on annoying mimes and jealous husbands who may be blocking his escape route.
Likely, you will stay up all night for that one chance to see either of them perform in person. They’ll both appear larger than life. Sidney because of his immense talent; Santa mainly due to a weakness for pastry.
Their visit will last roughly three hours. Curiously, both will likely trash the place - beyond recognition – before they finally move on.
So, be forewarned: Hide the cookies.
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Thursday only on thehockeynews.com. Subscribe to The Hockey News today to have Charlie's cartoon delivered to you in each issue.
Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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